it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
