I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
