i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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