A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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