I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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