I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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