the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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