Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
