just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
