somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
