Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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