walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
