i think i have herpe
just one?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
