we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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