she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
