Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
