just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
