I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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