So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
