My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize