All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
