The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
