I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Randomize