I got her a Nickelback box set.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
and you fell through a lawn chair
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
