sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
