Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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