he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i've created a new STD.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
