A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
