for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize