Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she told me i tasted like america
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
