I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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