I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
