I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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