my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
