shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
