i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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