Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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