i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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