i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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