when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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