That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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