How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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