There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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