I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
