and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
