Whod you bang
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
this is an emotional support booty call
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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