I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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