I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
