I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
