Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
