saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
