you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
