my mouth tastes like poor choices
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
