i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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