So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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