Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
