I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
