Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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