So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
