hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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