You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pants are for mortals
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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