Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
