You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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