***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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