So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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